Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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