Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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