Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
