Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
