so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
