Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
