I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you bring me the toilet please
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
