If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
