Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
