chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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