I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
