Duck Duck Cougar?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
please come you make the beer taste better
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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