i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
