I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
