Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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