i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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