Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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