apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
don't judge my taste in strippers
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
