The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
