i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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