considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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