so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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