My underwear smells like fireworks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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