I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
