Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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