You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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