Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
