If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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