There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
