if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
