After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
