she was so not down for the gang bang
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
