Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
