I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
