Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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