you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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