I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
