hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
