I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
