I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
