If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
