This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
