1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
