yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
