She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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