So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
