Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
