Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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