Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
