He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
