New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
