Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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