She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
