Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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