I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
