So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Text me some of your sweat
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