does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
