What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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