batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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