FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
even my farts smell like vagina
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
