I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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