Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have already put on my inside pants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
