Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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