His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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