apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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