I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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