At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
