I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
