Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
