If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize