Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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