Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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