Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
